i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
