i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
