just tell him i said nine months
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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