Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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