upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
