Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
