bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
