he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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