Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
