why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
