I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
