Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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