I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
