Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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