You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
