That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
