i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
