Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
