there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
