I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
