So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
