The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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