so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
