Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
