sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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