don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize