That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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