Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
