she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
