Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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