It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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