Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
