I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
