there's paper in my vomit.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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