You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
