Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
