You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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