Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
