i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
