so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
