What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
