So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
