you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
