Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He shit in the fireplace
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
