two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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