Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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