Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
