also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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