hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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