there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
