Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
