what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
