your room smells of hookers.
And success
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
