He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
