The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are two peas in an std pod
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
