I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My hand turned me down
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
