are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
