I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
