I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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