I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
