Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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