woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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