i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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