if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
