that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
