I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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