just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
