That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
