I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
