There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
