well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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