what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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