he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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