she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
