I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
